A new study explores the motivations that lead some individuals to pursue polyamory, the practice of engaging in multiple consenting romantic and/or sexual relationships. According to the study, polyamorous individuals are largely driven by a desire for greater relatedness (connection with people), autonomy, and a desire to have more of their needs met. The results fly in the face of stereotypes that regard polyamorous people as “commitment-phobes” or that their relationships are unsustainable.

Consensual polyamory has become increasingly common in many countries. According to recent statistics, 4 to 5 percent of Americans practice this approach to relationships, while around 7 percent of British adults have been in at least one consensual polyamorous relationship during their lives.   

Not only are more people choosing to practice this subset of non-monogamy, but there has also been a significant shift in attitudes as well. Increasingly, polyamorous individuals are receiving more positive representation in popular culture, both in film and TV shows, but also in literature and in video games. Equally, dating platforms like Tinder, Hinge, and OKCupid are including it as a legitimate option for people’s profiles.

But despite these positive changes, polyamory is still regarded with suspicion and prejudice by many people who see it as a danger to society and accuse polyamorous people of being immoral, promiscuous, and hypersexual. And yet the new research pours considerable cold water on these beliefs.

In the study, researchers explored the reasons why people choose this form of non-monogamy. They wanted to gain potential insight that may help support polyamorous individuals, especially those experiencing prejudice.

“From a minority stress perspective”, the team wrote in their paper, “members of a stigmatized population often confront a range of negative experiences, such as discrimination and harassment, whose harmful effects contribute to physical and mental health disparities.”   

Individuals suffering such stress may further internalize the stigma, increasing the risk “for negative physical and mental health outcome.”

For this purpose, the team recruited participants through the “r/polyamory” forum on Reddit, which allowed them to work with people deeply engaged with polyamory and its associated experiences. Those who participated had to be over 18, reside in the US, and have been in or are currently involved in a consensual polyamorous relationship. This gave them a final sample of 63 participants.

The participants provided information related to the motivations for adopting a polyamorous lifestyle by answering six open-ended questions. They were also asked to provide demographic information about their age, gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, and household income.

Finally, the participants were also encouraged to offer additional information about themselves, their experiences with polyamory, and/or feedback on the survey itself.

Once the data was gathered, the researchers identified four main themes: values alignment, relationship factors, external stimuli, and sexuality.

A significant number of participants identified a gravitational pull towards polyamory as it best fitted their underlying values or attitudes towards relationships. Some individuals said they were aware of these values from early childhood or adolescence, while others became aware of them later in life.

This theme was further subdivided into subthemes, including those with a philosophical approach to relationships that emphasize authenticity, an explicit aversion to societal norms centering on monogamy as the status quo, and a transition from other forms of consensual non-monogamy as their needs evolved.

The second theme focused on how unsatisfying relationship dynamics had contributed to some participants choosing to engage in polyamory. Some individuals referenced their own pervasive dissatisfaction, while others cited their partner's dissatisfaction with the existing relationship.

The third theme, external stimuli, related to individuals who developed feelings towards someone outside of their primary relationship or who became interested in polyamory through the media, friends, or the community. These participants explained how an external interaction with polyamory – through people or a positive representation – challenged their beliefs about relationships and love.

Finally, the fourth theme, sexuality, involved situations where individuals engaged with polyamory as a means to explore their own sexuality. Compared with the other themes, participants in this theme reported a closer association between polyamory and sex. This theme involved a range of sexual motivations that stemmed from an individual’s desire to have their sexual needs met or for their partners to do so.

The study provides valuable insights into the nuances that underscore polyamory, but it has some limitations. Firstly, the data provided by participants was obtained from individuals who chose to participate, which may lead to self-selection bias. This is especially true as those who choose to discuss and share their relationship experiences on Reddit may have far more positive views of polyamory than those who do not.

But despite this, the results challenge the common stereotypes held by people who see polyamory as built on immoral motivations and sexual desire. The situation is far more complex, and the motivations are far more diverse, including a need for greater autonomy and a feeling of connectedness.

“The present findings counter existing stereotypes of polyamorous people as ‘commitment-phobes’ or polyamorous relationships as unsustainable”, the authors conclude.

“Rather, participants described achieving significant personal and relationship growth through their pursuit of polyamory. Understanding the autonomy and relatedness motivations of individuals engaged in polyamory has the capacity to contribute to positive psychology interventions to combat internalized stigmas of individuals engaged in polyamory.”

The study is published in Archives of Sexual Behavior.